[reading] A Book Forged In Hell - Chapter 1. - cont.

After experience had taught me that all the things which regularly occur in ordinary life are empty and futile, and I saw that all the things which were the cause or object of my fear had nothing of good or bad in themselves, except insofar as mind was moved by them, I resolved at last to try to find out whether there was anything which would be the true good, capable of communicating itself, and which alone would affect the mind, all others being rejected - whether there was something which, once found and acquired, would continuously give me the greatest joy, to eternity.

I say that "I resolved at last" - for at first glance it seemed ill-advised to be willing to lose something certain for something then uncertain.
I saw, of course, the advantages that honor and wealth bring, and that I would be forced to abstain from seeking them, if I wished to devote myself seriously to something new and different; and if by chance the greatest happiness lay in them, I saw that I should have to do without it.
But if it did not lie in them , and I devoted my energies only to acquiring them, then I would equally go without it.